A PanAfricanist Queer Womanist Collective
The birds were above my head and the rocks were under my feet and in front of me the Mediterranean Sea. My legs were shaking and you asked me if I was afraid and I said “no, no, no”. You were my friend and you would laugh every time I tried to sneak glances at the girls without bikini tops because I was never really subtle, was I?
I was afraid because I wasn’t a great swimmer and had only been in this new country for a few weeks and I promised I would say yes a little more.. I would say yes to jumping into bodies of water from rocks, yes to opening my heart, yes to seeing new places, yes to being my authentic self and yes to the sea. It was so blue, I could almost hear it speak and the water felt so strange- I heard nothing and everything all at once.
The ocean embraced me and it felt like a touch I needed and missed. I wondered if this is what love would feel like again. I had jumped. I had jumped! The sea and me, together at last but then I saw the sky and swam towards land. The sea had embraced me and sent me gently away.
“YOU MUST TALK ABOUT IT UNTIL IT FEELS REAL.”
At the airport in Lisbon, someone who I had bonded with over our fellow blue passports and our neurotic tendencies (increased by the cups of coffee we had on the plane) said this: “YOU MUST TALK ABOUT IT UNTIL IT FEELS REAL.”
I wanted to talk about my life until it felt real. I sat down at the shore and pulled my knees up to my chest. The sun was warm and wonderful. I took a deep breath, inhaled and felt anew.
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