A PanAfricanist Queer Womanist Collective
By Thulie Love
I have always been optimistic because I have never have any reason not to be (really).
It has always been like a driving force in my life and it has worked a lot of time. I admit that sometimes it didn’t but still there was always something to learn that would lead me to be my optimistic self again. I guess one could say that in my case ”you cant keep a good woman down”.
Optimism has worked a lot of the time but not in the relationship department. This area has always been a difficult one. If you think getting a woman is hard when you are ”normal” and have no disability or ailment then think again because you my friend you are blessed beyond measure.
It is like double trouble *lol*
Like no man you cannot be disabled and be a lesbian (or in my case pansexual) but I will use lesbian because I am sort of, kind of one and because I will be talking about the side of me that desires and lusts over women.
Anyway I was on some other lesbian group and this girl had posted: ”guys do you think we have disabled lesbian?”I wanted to jump off my chair and slap her silly for being so ignorant and shallow.A part of me wanted to be a “troll” and be nasty but then I thought of my own shit and my own difficulties dating women. I thought “maybe she is genuinely asking” because I am starting to feel like the only disabled woman in the world who’s attracted to other women. Maybe it is because many disabled people lack the confidence to say ‘hey I am disabled and gay”…
I get them. Society is quick to shut down and marginalize people because we live in such a vain and shallow world. This makes it hard to come out because many women look at you and think sex. As much as lesbians always deny this and act like they are really not that into sex, they are!
They tend to look at you and think three things:
1: She never get’s horny so how in the world are we ever going to fuck?!
2: She must be an invalid and I cannot take that much responsibility.
3: She’s emotionally damaged and therefore comes with a lot of issues and garbage.
I have had women say shit like ”wow I didn’t know sex with you was going to be like that considering the fact that you in a wheelchair!”
Things like this used to hurt me, I would feel so insulted and automatically want to defend myself and start shit but I have since learnt to smile and take it as a compliment because not many women are exposed to such things.
Once I had a friend tell me ”yho! You are double trouble, lesbian and disabled…which one to pray for first?” Another ignorant one, poor thing.
I mean who gets to be lesbian? The skinny and tall? The chubby? The rich? Who? I mean my god! Who gets to be in a lasting and happy relationship with a woman? I ask this because it sure feels like double trouble all right from where I am standing, oh no no from where I am sitting.
My optimistic nature gets defeated really because sometimes the logic behind some of these things is hidden and a total mystery to me.
Then by luck or nature’s silly sense of humour a lesbo approaches you and wants to take you on a date but she’s not your type…aha! Yes! We do have types too; I mean we are human after all. Then you feel like you need to settle because “shame she is different” unlike that yummy sexy lady you wanted who ignored you so hard until you pinched yourself and even slightly doubted your existence.
You go on a date with this brave, not-so-good-looking lady, you appreciate and admire her only to find out she’s a bigger asshole because after all this she expects sex from you on that first date.
Yes! You are horny but not desperate even though you haven’t been screwed for (maybe) months or years! *Lol*
Yes! It would’ve been lovely to get screwed until your numb ass can’t sit on your chair for long because you have a swollen clitoris and a painful vagina from all the mind-blowing sex, but heavens please!
She then tells you once you refuse to give it up …”I was doing you a favour.” What the fuck?!
So you see? The settling part is a pain in the ass because people can still get all “assholey”.
I know that out there exist disabled lesbo women who are appreciated, loved, pampered and fucked till they are blue. Oh how I’d love that! They have partners who’d do anything for them, who see beyond the chair or crutch or whatever.
God bless you all may you never change because the world needs more of you.
Then there are the vain and egotistic ones who dismiss you without even finding out one thing about you or they may be interested but scared of what the society will say.
To them I say broaden your mind for heaven’s sake! After all spunk and splendor comes in many many packages and I happen to posses all of that swag.
For this and more from Thulie Love check out Inkanyiso.