A PanAfricanist Queer Womanist Collective

Finding My First Love After 15 years of Marriage


By Muhle

I always thought that a love full of excitement, fulfilment and joy was only in the movies. This was after I had been in a 15 year relationship with my now ex-husband.

When I met her everything changed.

See, I was struggling with these feelings of attraction to the same-sex. I was brought up in a staunch Christian path, I prayed endlessly for these feelings to go away, but that never happened.

Meeting this young beautiful woman changed my world. All my defences fell down and I couldn’t hide anymore. I felt like doing things I have never done before.

See, I had never been in a same-sex relationship before, therefore I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to wait for her to come to me or just tell her how I feel.

Summoning up the courage, I poured out my heart to her and that was the beginning of a different, fulfilling and a happier me.

I yearned to see her face every day and would drive a round trip of 500 kilometers a day just to spend a couple of hours with her.

I had never been so happy.

As young as she was, she taught me so many things about my body, what it means to love and be loved. Even though I had been in a relationship with my ex-husband since my school days, it felt like this was my first relationship- my first love. I couldn’t stay in my marriage any longer. I wanted to be free and to love freely.

My family and in-laws thought I was possessed by the ‘evil one’. ‘How can a makoti (young bride in Xhosa) do something like this to a good man?’  During family gatherings, I would endure disdain.

But all the stresses and grief would melt away in the arms of my first love.

This woman taught me love is possible, fun, not selfish and does not seek to dominate.


4 comments on “Finding My First Love After 15 years of Marriage

  1. Pingback: Finding My First Love After 15years of Marriage | testmicblog

  2. Fikile Ntanzi

    Beautiful story, i wish i could read some more

  3. Lynn

    M happy 4 u dear.

  4. Speedhakoo

    What a lovely story. So glad you found your love. Hope you are very VERY happy for many many many many many many years to come!

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