A PanAfricanist Queer Womanist Collective

But She is Hot: ALook at inter racial dating

By Lame

They say that the reason why white people and black people cannot maintain long term relationships is because they will always fight about the air conditioner. I don’t know if this is true but I do know that I love white women. Oh, and black women.

Oh, and bi-racial and Indian women. Okay, I love all women. I am more or less  color blind, especially when it comes to beauty. Most times I think that, lesbians should be the most liberal people, especially when it comes to issues of race. Look at the LGBTI rights movement, how we have come such a long way as a strong force, black and white and Indian and bi-racial gay and lesbian people. Yet, the idea of being in a long term relationship with a person of a different race irks some lesbians. I say this because I have been accused of loving “white” people too much. I don’t know what that means. Is it because I was getting it on with a white girl? Well, she was hot and really good in bed. I simply couldn’t help it. So, I ask you: what is your issue with interracial dating?

Image source: Saphhhoria

A lot of black women find quite a number of white women attractive. Do white women find black women attractive? Well, yes, they do. Then again, I am only speaking for myself. It is sad how our history has so much bearing on our future. I don’t care what race I settle down with. Just as long as she loves the arts, and is an intellectual but mostly just herself. What more could you ask of a woman anyway. So, future life partner, I don’t care what race you are, just as long as you understand me and I understand you.

Sometimes I feel that the scars of our past have left us divided for good. That, all we can be with each other is civil and nothing more. I feel that, for South Africa especially, there will always be the huge elephant in the room carrying words such as “kaffir, coolie,rockspider” and waiting to explode. Can you imagine having an argument with your white girlfriend and she calls you “kaffir”? Well, what would you think? Would you, at that point, equate the word “kaffir” to the word “bitch” or would this tear you two apart forever? Well, it is simple, your girlfriend could never call you that. Racist people could call you that, but the one who loves you would never call you that. The fun side is that you and  your white girlfriend could role play Apartheid Madam and Maid. The black girl could be the Madam and the white girl will be the maid. However, I don’t think this will be fun at all.


I don’t want to live in a world where holding hands with my white girlfriend gets people angry and shouting that I am consorting with the enemy. What enemy? I don’t want to live in a world where I try to get the check at the restaurant all the time because I don’t want the waiter to think that I am the poor friend of this white woman. I don’t want to live in a world where the waiter brings the check and they give it directly to my white girlfriend even though I am the one who asked for it. I don’t want to feel guilty for dating a white or bi-racial girl. Except that, the way it seems, I will always be explaining myself, in the same way that the world demands that gay and lesbian people always explain themselves. In an unforgiving world where you are supposed to conform to societal expections, stick with your own kind or face rejection, a world where it is safer to live in a box than spread your wings, I wish we could all see that we are just the same.


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3 comments on “But She is Hot: ALook at inter racial dating

  1. holaa!

    That is true. When one falls in love they do fall in love. Problem is once you in that love there are so many societal and other pressures and influences that people impose on an intimate space. Also even within a relationship there are always various dynamics one has to consider…but then again…love is a crazy thing so…. (“,)

  2. Clare Flourish

    When you fall in Love, you will fall in Love. If she falls in love with you too, then yor are blessed. and race will not matter.

  3. cosmicyoruba

    This is a very thoughtful and heartfelt post.

    Speaking from the opposite side of the spectrum…I personally believe it is the worst kind of betrayal when the white person you’re in a relationship with ends up revealing their racism. I think this is the major reason why some Black people would rather not be in an interracial relationship, less so than them having any sort of “issue” with interracial relationships. It comes across as more of self-reservation and not allowing yourself to fall in love with someone who appears to be open and anti-racist but isn’t, and who chooses to expose their racism when you’ve let your guard down. I know some women who are able to ignore their partners racism for years, I also know a few women who openly say that they do not date Black women and only want white women (disturbing shit).

    Alicia Sanchez wrote an interesting post on reasons for not dating white people and to quote the post; “i would like my house, my bed to be the one place, and probably the only place where i don’t have to deal with white racism”. It is sad that history (and present) has such a bearing on our future, but that is to be expected. Like Alicia, I believe one chooses to love and though I find women of all ethnicities attractive, when it comes to a relationship I’d rather it be with one of the 80% of the non-white people that make the world’s population.

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This entry was posted on 30/05/2012 by in Sex, relationships and love. and tagged , , .

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